The Confidence Queens Academy

Self-Love Revolution: How Choosing Yourself Attracts the Right People

JJ, Your Courage Catalyst Here.

Life can be amazing when you make the decision to choose yourself and create a life that you love.
Keep reading, and I will show you how to unlock sustainable self-confidence so you can connect with your potential and purpose and truly THRIVE!

Now, Are you ready for some insights?
Well, I guess, that's why you're here right?! 

We’re often told that finding ‘the one’ is what life’s all about – the key to happiness and completeness. It’s a story we’ve all heard, maybe even believed.


But here’s a thought: what if the very things we’re searching for in others are actually treasures hidden inside us, waiting to be discovered and cherished?


I want to take you on a little adventure into the heart of why we need to stop chasing after someone to complete us, but rather take a good look in the mirror and see that our deepest needs and desires are closer than we think, waiting to be unearthed. We’re going to talk about why we often find ourselves wanting qualities in others that we think we lack, and how turning the lens inward to focus on self-love, self-care, and believing in ourselves can actually draw the right kind of people into our lives.



From Projection to Reflection: Exploring Our Deepest Desires

At our core, we’re all explorers on a quest for love, connection, and a sense that we matter. It’s like we’re on a treasure hunt, convinced that the prize—our happiness, our sense of being complete—lies somewhere out there, in someone else. 


It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the perfect partner will magically fill all the gaps in our lives, bringing us the qualities we think we’re missing. But what if we’ve got it all wrong? What if we’re actually searching for something that’s been inside us all along?


This search often leads us down a path where we start projecting our desires and the things we feel are missing in our lives onto others. It’s as if we’re holding up a sign that says, “You complete me,” hoping someone will fit the bill. This craving is fueled by endless romantic stories and societal pressure, suggesting our worth is measured by our relationship status. 


And if our self-esteem isn’t on solid ground, it only makes us cling tighter to the idea that love and validation come from outside, not from within.


Why This Happens:

Psychological Projection: It’s like looking through a telescope at the stars, seeing the beauty out there, and forgetting the beauty within. We tend to focus on the emptiness we feel, like a gnawing hunger, and convince ourselves that only someone else can fill that void. We project our unmet needs and desires onto others, hoping they’ll be the solution.


– Cultural Narratives: Movies, books, and songs all sing the same tune—find your other half, and you’re set. It’s a powerful story, but it’s not the whole story.


– Self-Esteem and Identity: If we’re feeling low about ourselves, it’s tempting to look for someone else to show us our worth, forgetting that our value isn’t something someone else can give us.



Self-Coaching Questions:

– What qualities am I seeking in others that I might be overlooking in myself?

– Have I been clinging to the belief that someone else can fill a void within me? If so, what steps can I take today to experience a sense of wholeness from the inside out?

– Have you considered that the qualities you find so desirable in others might be dormant strengths waiting to be awakened within you? Take a moment to reflect on the qualities you admire and brainstorm ways you can cultivate them in your own life.


The Shift to Self-Sufficiency

Here’s where the plot thickens in our adventure. Imagine discovering that the treasure we’ve been hunting for in others is actually buried in our own backyard. It’s a game-changer. This realization doesn’t mean we’re meant to journey alone or push others away. Instead, it’s about finding a balance where our relationships add color and joy to our lives without defining our entire existence.


It’s like being the captain of your own ship; you appreciate the companionship of your crew, but you don’t rely on them to steer your course. You’re in charge, and it’s your self-love, self-care, and belief in your abilities that keep the ship sailing smoothly.



Developing Self-Love, Self-Care, and Self-Belief:

– Self-Love: This is about giving yourself a high-five, even on your off days. It’s looking in the mirror and liking who you see, flaws and all. Self-love means treating yourself with the same kindness and patience you’d offer a good friend.


– Self-Care: Imagine your well-being as a garden. Self-care is the daily watering and sunlight it needs. It’s about knowing when to rest, when to push yourself, and making sure you’re nourishing your body and soul.


– Self-Belief: This is the anchor of your ship. Believing in yourself is trusting that you can weather any storm, make tough decisions, and pursue your dreams with confidence. It’s about recognizing your own strength and potential, even when the seas get rough.


Self-Coaching Question:

– Instead of seeking external validation, what daily practices can I implement to build my own inner compass of self-worth and confidence? 

– In what ways can I be my own source of love, care, and belief today? 


Choosing You: The Gateway to Abundance in Love and Life

Choosing ourselves is a pivotal act that transforms not only our inner world but also the landscape of our relationships. This choice signals a shift from seeking external validation to cultivating internal fulfillment, which in turn, changes the caliber of partners we attract.



Why Choosing Yourself Matters:

Committing to your well-being, happiness, and growth is an affirmation of your worth. It’s a declaration that you are enough and a step towards becoming the best version of yourself. When you choose yourself, you nurture a sense of wholeness and self-sufficiency. This doesn’t just enhance how you show up for yourself but also influences how you show up in relationships.


From Scarcity to Abundance:

Choosing yourself moves you from a mindset of scarcity—where love, validation, and happiness seem finite and external—to one of abundance, where you recognize yourself as the source of these riches. This abundant mindset ensures that you are not looking for a partner to ‘fix’ you or fill an emptiness within. Instead, you enter relationships as a whole person, seeking someone who complements your completeness. This brings a whole new level of person into your life.


This shift in approach has a profound impact on the kind of relationships we attract:

  • From attracting partners who fill a perceived void, you start attracting individuals who resonate with your authentic self and appreciate your wholeness.
  • Instead of seeking someone to “fix” you, you attract individuals who are also committed to their own growth and well-being, creating a foundation of mutual respect and support.
  • Operating from a place of abundance allows you to set healthy boundaries and attract partners who respect them, fostering a relationship built on trust and emotional safety.
  • When you overflow with self-love and genuine fulfillment, you become a magnet for individuals who embody similar values, creating a connection that thrives on shared joy and positive energy.

Attracting Quality Partners:

When you operate from this place of abundance, you naturally attract individuals who are also choosing themselves, who are whole and not looking for someone else to complete them. These partners are attracted to your self-assuredness and your commitment to personal growth. They see in you a mirror of their values and aspirations.


Energetic Congruence:

A fascinating aspect of choosing ourselves is what I like to call creating energetic congruence. “Energetic congruence” means that the energy we embody is what we attract. 


Imagine your inner self radiating a specific frequency of self-love, abundance, and confidence. This frequency is like a powerful signal you send out into the world, much like a radio station broadcasting its unique soundwave. Just as listeners tune in to specific frequencies, you naturally attract individuals who resonate with your unique vibration. 


This vibrational alignment fosters connections rooted in shared values, mutual respect, and profound understanding.


Why Energetic Congruence Matters:

Embracing the concept of “energetic congruence” underscores the powerful principle that the energy we embody magnetically draws others to us. By nurturing self-love, cultivating an abundant mindset, and living with confidence, you naturally attract companions who mirror these qualities within themselves.


This transformative shift moves us away from seeking relationships to fill voids of neediness or inadequacy. Instead, we begin to attract self-aware, emotionally mature individuals who are not only committed to their personal growth but are also eager to engage in a supportive and loving partnership with someone who equally chooses themselves.



These relationships are fundamentally different. Imagine two individuals who are operating from a place of strength and wholeness, each contributing their unique light to the connection. This dynamic fosters a space where partners choose themselves and each other daily, celebrating the uniqueness and completeness of one another and their togetherness. 


Witnessing this energetic congruence in action is a powerful reminder that our internal work doesn’t just transform our self-perception, it redefines the quality of the relationships we cultivate. By aligning our internal frequencies with the qualities we wish to attract, we set the stage for relationships that are enriching, authentic, and deeply fulfilling.


Now that we’ve dived into ‘Energetic Congruence,’ it’s pretty clear how changing ourselves on the inside starts to change who we attract into our lives. It’s like flipping a switch inside us that lights us up in a whole new way, making it easier for the right kind of people to spot us and think, ‘Hey, that’s exactly who I’ve been looking for.’


Self-Coaching Questions:

– Reflecting on my past relationships, where can I see the effects of not fully choosing myself, and how can this awareness guide my actions moving forward?

– If I chose myself and felt 100% at the top of my game in terms of how much I loved and respected myself, and operated from an abundant mindset, how would the quality of my relationships or partners change?

– What qualities would I like my future partner to possess, and how can I reflect these qualities in my own life?


Attracting the Right People for the Right Reasons: Redefining Relationships from Within

So, what happens when you start to find that treasure within yourself? Something amazing. You begin to change the type of people you draw into your life. It’s not about filling a void anymore or looking for someone to patch up the gaps. When you stand firm in your self-worth, you start attracting people who are there for the joy of your company, not because you need them to complete you.


Think of it this way: when you’re full of love, care, and belief in yourself, you’re like a lighthouse shining brightly. You naturally attract ships (people) that are navigating towards the light, those who appreciate the true you and want to share in your journey, not redirect it. When you shine as your authentic self, your light not only guides you but also draws in likeminded people who also are attracted by genuine connection.



Self-Coaching Question:

– If I could attract one quality into my life right now, what would it be? 

– How can I begin embodying this quality myself to attract others who resonate with it?



Transforming Our Inner and Outer Worlds:

This inward journey of discovering your worth and loving yourself doesn’t just change the way you see relationships; it revolutionizes how you see yourself and your place in the world. It’s about moving from seeking external approval to reveling in your own self-validation. And with this transformation, you begin to live more authentically, aligning your actions with your true self, and engaging in relationships that genuinely enrich your life.


Self-Coaching Question:

– How does embracing my own worth change the way I view and attract relationships? 

– What does my ideal relationship look like, and what qualities do I bring to the table? How can I start embodying those qualities now, regardless of my relationship status? 



 The Intricacies of Attraction

When we start connecting with others from a place of neediness or insecurity, it’s like looking through a fogged-up mirror. Our view is clouded, distorted by our fears and doubts. We end up attracting relationships that reflect this haze back at us, creating cycles of dependency or mismatches in energy that don’t truly serve us. It’s like trying to complete a puzzle with pieces that don’t quite fit and still trying to force the mismatched puzzle pieces together—the image is confusing, and ultimately, nothing fits the way it should.



Breaking Free from the Fog:

  1. Cycles of Dependency: Imagine leaning on someone else so much that if they were to step away, you’d fall. That’s dependency. It’s when we look to others to hold us up emotionally, forgetting that we have the strength within to stand tall on our own.
  1. Attraction of Similar Energies: Ever heard the saying, “Like attracts like”? When we’re vibrating on a frequency of insecurity, we’re likely to attract partners who resonate with that same frequency. It’s a dance of energies that often leads to a tango of turmoil rather than harmony.
  1. Projection of Insecurities: Sometimes, without even realizing it, we cast our fears and doubts onto others, seeing our insecurities reflected in their actions. It’s a defense mechanism that shields us from vulnerability but also blocks genuine connection.

Self-Coaching Question:

– What fears or insecurities might I be projecting onto others,? 

– How can I practice self-compassion and acceptance for these parts of myself, allowing for more authentic and genuine connections?




Wrapping Up

Our journey through the realms of self-discovery and relationship dynamics brings us to a profound realization: the quest for completeness isn’t about finding someone to fill our gaps but about recognizing our own wholeness. It’s a path that leads us back to ourselves, to the discovery that everything we’ve been seeking externally—love, validation, fulfillment—has been within us all along.


As we embrace our wholeness, we don’t just change the way we relate to others; we transform our entire world, attracting not just partners, but friends, opportunities, and experiences that resonate with our true selves. It’s a shift from seeking to self-sourcing, from external validation to internal affirmation.


Living Authentically and Attracting Genuinely:

This isn’t just about relationships. It’s about living authentically, honoring our needs, and pursuing our dreams with conviction. It’s a reminder that when we love ourselves, set healthy boundaries, and believe in our worth, we don’t just attract better relationships—we elevate our entire existence.


Self-Coaching Question:

– How will I commit to nurturing my self-love, self-care, and self-belief moving forward, and what changes do I expect to see in my life and relationships as a result? 


– What is one empowering commitment I can make to myself today that will bring me closer towards a more fulfilling and authentic life?

Picture of JJ, Your Courage Catalyst

JJ, Your Courage Catalyst

I'm a Certified Life, Career, and Confidence Coach, and Certified Feel the fear and do it anyway coach & Trainer. and, I'm also the founder of The Confidence Queens Academy.
These blogs are a way for me to share transformational insights, tools and techniques that will help you develop sustainable self-confidence and learn how to transition from surviving to THRIVING.

If you’re looking to step into the royal 'soft' life that you deserve, be sure to check out The Confidence Queens Academy, it’s everything you’ve been looking for... and so much more.

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