Amongst all the play, my career skyrocketed. I travelled to many countries as my role covered the UK, Middle East & Asia, three different time zones. My homelife was a wreck, as I was trapped (due to strange circumstances brought on by being in the Middle East), in a relationship that had turned physically abusive, so I hid by working up to 15 hours a day just to stay away from being at home.
But then came the overwhelm followed by the dreaded burn out! Then the loss of self-belief, loss of self-confidence, loss of passion.
By the time I had come out of the other end, I discovered my job was no longer giving me what I wanted, I was shaken because I thought my career made me who I was. I had to spend time working on myself and figure out what I wanted from my life and how to get it.
I had lost my passion and meaning and went on a journey to figure out how to get it back. My journey of self-discovery led me to realise who I was again. It was, afterall, my faith and my new found spirituality that saved and maintained my life. I began to put together the frameworks that bought me back into alignment and started to refocus myself by putting my career back together again. I loved the earlier stages of my career because I was investing and adding value to people, but as I progressed in my career, I was adding value to ‘processes and systems’.
My passion was working with people, supporting, listening and empowering them to go after their dreams, so I had to find the courage to go after mine! I wanted to work for myself and have a more flexible lifestyle. I didn’t want to work long hours, spending my time improving systems and processes; instead, I wanted to set my own hours and do the work which I love.
I was determined to live my life as the new and improved version of me, but setting up my own business still felt impossible. I told myself, I couldn’t set up my own business because I was too busy, my team needed me, my job was too important, I didn’t have start-up capital, I’m not cut out to be a business owner – and many other excuses, to avoid dealing with the fear of setting up my own business.
Someone saw past my excuses and recommended I read the book ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’. Initially, I thought, I know this stuff already, I’ve always been that person who ‘does it anyway’. When I began reading the book, I realised, I had succumbed to a deep-rooted fear based on lack of financial security and self-doubt. I even got to grips with the fears that caused me to enter negative relationship cycles and one-sided friendships. My ‘Chatterbox’ was telling me I couldn’t go it alone; my business would fail; no one will pay to work with me without a global company brand behind me. I wasn’t worthy, I wasn’t good enough and no one would ‘choose me’ because they never did.
It was time to tune in to my higher self and face my fear so that I could be reconciled with my passion. I remembered the decision I made that moved me out of the abusive relationship which was to choose myself, and I decided from now one, I need to choose myself daily. This was the only way to keep the momentum and sustainability of my new life, JJ 2.0.
So, in the words of Susan Jeffers, I decided to feel the fear and do it anyway.