The Confidence Queens Academy

Love is a VERB…
You ‘DO’ it!

JJ, your Confidence and Mindset Coach here.

Are you ready for some insights? Well, I guess, that's why you're here right?! 

Queen

Nothing is louder than the voice in your head. Yeah, a screaming parent… or a screaming child (or three), that’s pretty loud. The older I get, the more conscious I become that it’s incredibly loud in bars… is it just me? It’s really bad! But I haven’t found anything that can drown out “that” voice in my head when it gets going. That voice that used to tell me I’m worthless, I’ll never be loved, I should be ashamed of myself, I was never going to measure up, that I needed to hide. I’ll bet you haven’t either.

We’re focusing on loving ourselves this month. This month, we’re getting “that” voice to scream its loudest, but it’s screaming all those things that support us. 

I AM AMAZING! I LOVE MYSELF! I AM EVERYTHING I EVER NEEDED! I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE, I AM UNIQUELY ME AND HERE I AM!

And we are doing that by showing ourselves some love. Take that as you want 😜

Why is self-love important? Ok, there are some pretty obvious answers here. Because it supports self-esteem, it builds resilience, it’s generally just a healthy thing to have. But those reasons aside, here’s a reality check for you. Depending on other people’s love is setting yourself up for a massive disaster. Firstly, people can only love others to the capacity that they can love themselves, but most people don’t even know how to love themselves, which is why love often shows up in the form of control, ownership, and manipulation. And secondly, when you depend on love from others, you put the power in somebody else’s hands to give it, and to take it away. Those terms are not acceptable. You also make someone else responsible for you to feel good about yourself. That’s a massive burden to put on anyone. And finally… you have everything you need to love yourself, but if we cannot love ourselves, how and why do we expect others to be able to do it? 

Queen, let me tell you this, love isn’t just an emotion that you feel, love is a verb, it is something that you need to do. When you see people who love themselves, it’s because they actively take action to show themselves, love. They didn’t just wake up and feel love for themselves. Which means all you gotta do is put in the work. 

You might wonder, what does ‘putting in the work’ look like? It looks like, creating small daily habits, and adding them to your routine. These habits are ones that increase self-love, they are self-affirming, they enhance self-acceptance, and celebrate your uniqueness and brilliance. When you do this on a daily basis, love from other sources becomes a nice to have, something you can treasure and enjoy, rather than a trigger for codependency. When we learn how to truely love ourselves, we do the world a service because it allows us to know how to love each other in a healthier way. This reduces the need for jealousy, comparison, manipulation, and all the other negative behaviours people exhibit in the name of love. 

Self-love is about being the change.

So Queen, put that time in the diary for you and stick to it. And as with everything that we are doing, practice self-love with intention. Do something that connects you with you. I’m not talking here about a night of binge-watching your favorite show. Yes, that’s an absolutely entertaining way to spend an evening, but it’s not quality time with yourself. Keep entertainment and distractions as side activities, and dedicate that time you set aside for Loving Yourself to things that focus on you and your physical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing and growth. It could be as simple as finding a self-massage routine on YouTube and giving that a go. Dress up nicely and sit down with yourself and enjoy a lovely dinner, where you can basque in your own wonderful company. Do something that makes you feel good, and relish it 😉 

I’ll be wrapping up the month with a free 5-day Challenge, The Purpose Incubator, which WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. I know you’ll be ready for this change by then because by the time you’re done showing yourself that you are worthy of love, you’ll know with the deepest conviction that you deserve your best life. But, those questions will be there. What is my purpose? What am I MEANT to be doing? Where is my life going? Like me, like most if not all of us, you will have asked yourself these questions. The Purpose Incubator will be run over 5 days, and will only take 30 minutes each day. By the end of the challenge, I guarantee it, Queen, not only will your purpose become clear, you will know how to create the momentum so you can achieve it. If you’re in, let me know, and I’ll sign you up.

You know what I’m going to say next. Yep. You got this. And I got you 😉

Fix your crown.

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