The Confidence Queens Academy

Let me count the ways

JJ, your Confidence and Mindset Coach here.

Are you ready for some insights? Well, I guess, that's why you're here right?! 

Queen,

We’re dedicating this month to Loving Ourselves. Just so you know – I’m doing this work along with you. Well… actually I’ve been doing this for a long time. 

I realised the importance of taking “care” of myself well before I had the vocabulary for it but not before I was in desperate need for it. As a little girl, I would see even when my mom seemed sad, she would always make an effort to look beautiful. So, as I grew up, I followed her lead. I would do whatever I could to look fabulous (in my own eyes) and doing that made me feel more confident and more capable, which seemingly like magic, made my day so much better.

I slowly caught on to the fact that feel-good rituals boosted my week. I made a habit to schedule regular massages and nail and hair appointments. These weren’t about how I looked. Yes, it’s something I care about, but they had a deeper purpose for me. As I progressed on my self-discovery journey, after making the commitment to choose myself, I would book time only for me, and nobody else. Literally, in my diary there is time blocked out called ‘ME Time’. It was time spent doing whatever I wanted. Sometimes, staying in bed all day watching movies in my pj’s, other times would be pampering myself or shopping. I would schedule regular dates for myself too – I figured that I needed to treat myself to things I wanted. I would go eat at nice restaurants, watch movies, and enjoy a glass of wine. I enjoyed the ritual of choosing myself, I felt like everyone else who hadn’t chosen me was missing out.

Those Self Love rituals have remained with me, and I make sure to stick to them. I’ve since trained as a coach, and now understand the true importance of those rituals, and of course, I’ve added to my daily rituals and routines. By acknowledging my own needs, and tending to them in a loving way, I was nourishing my sense of Self Love.

Queen, I hope that you too have realised the importance of those acts of Self Love. 

That being said, I know that the exercise is a bit tricky, because we all have a tendency to mix negative messaging in with positives. I know I’ve spent many a time on the massage table thinking to myself that I don’t deserve the massage. The only word of advice that I have for you is that you need to stick to it. Self Love is a constant practice, it’s something you keep up with for yourself, and to support yourself. Just as you would do in your relationships with others, you need to maintain your relationship with yourself. 

I know everyone has different needs, and that Self Love can come in all different shapes as well. So this week, I want you to give a few new Self Love activities a try. A few of these might sound a bit out there but give them a try. Who knows? They might become your version of the dressing up 😉 

Express yo’ self! 

There’s nothing that says I Love Me than expressing who we are. If that’s through dance, song, writing, or painting, choose a form of creative self-expression and give it a try. It can even be with clothes – create a piece you would like to wear, or even experiment with some unique outfits, mix and match. Try your hand at sculpting, or write a song, or poem (or blog). Self-expression lets us put what’s on the inside, outside. It feeds into the courage thought loop – by daring to do something we wouldn’t otherwise do, we feel courageous. Which in turn leads us to take other courageous steps! There’s also something incredibly empowering about creating something out of nothing (or next to nothing). Remember, it all starts with courage.

Get physical! 

Ok, going to the gym is great, and nobody can deny the health benefits of exercise. But what I’m talking about is getting physical with yourself. Try and do something that puts you in touch with your own body. Perhaps some yoga, which will teach you a bit more about the physical space you occupy and how your muscles work, in addition to being a great way to develop flexibility, balance, and strength. Or give yourself a massage. The point is, do something that gets you to acknowledge your body. Whatever your chosen activity, take time to appreciate those parts of the body that you are engaging with. It’s so easy to hate our bodies for being fat, skinny, flabby, bumpy, rough, etc. Shift that focus to really being grateful for your body. If you’re massaging your legs, acknowledge the contributions they have made to your life – after all, they’re literally getting you places, and you know what, some people don’t have that privilege. If you’re finding yourself jiggling your belly fat (I know I do – also can anyone else feel their back rolls???) flip those thoughts from the negative to the positive and remind yourself that those lovely folds serve a purpose. They protect you, nourish you, and form part of the unique treasure that is YOU. Body positivity is such an essential part of Loving Yourself. So, connect with your body and thank it for its tireless work. While we talk about body positivity, if you’re in The Academy, I want you to check out a short body positivity masterclass from the amazing Jade Matthews, Body Positivity Coach. You can access it HERE.

Lighten up! 

We’re all guilty of hoarding to some extent. Excess clothes, shoes, pots and pans, books, we tend to hold on to way too many things. Practice some self-love by letting go of the old. Sort out closets, drawers, shelves, and cupboards, and allow yourself to get rid of those things that you don’t need to keep. You’ll not only feel good once you’ve decluttered your space, you’ll also get a tangible sense of accomplishment from doing this exercise. Accomplishment feeds the positive thought loop. Plus, you can donate the stuff you don’t need, and help someone else out in the process. Remember, service to others is an expression of Self Love. Finally, you can get rid of some of that guilt. I know a lot of us feel guilty when we see those pieces in our closet that we’ve worn once or not at all, and knowing that they’re going to a good cause will go a long way to making you feel better about that purchase. This was a massive money mindset breakthrough for me. I had purchased a load of designer clothes because of a belief I once held. When I had changed my belief to something more positive that aligned with abundance, I forgot to do the physical act of unburdening myself with these clothes, that I had never worn and only held on to because I had a scarcity mindset. Releasing those clothes released me in so many ways. I really do recommend you try this, it just might change your life and create space for your abundance.

Get off it! 

And by it, I mean social media. It’s a great way to stay connected and up to date with a lot of things, from current events to JJ events 😉  but… The flip side is that you’re bombarded with tons of unrealistic images of happiness, fulfillment, beauty, wealth, and celebrity. Between photoshopped images, influencers selling the “perfect” life or vacation or whatever, and a whole bunch of misinformation, unfortunately, social media has become a place where we can easily fall prey to augmented reality and when you are in the early stages of your self-discovery or growth journey, it is hard not to absorb what you see and fall into the trap of comparison and feeling bad about yourself based on someones ‘showreel’. I know you know what I’m talking about. So, like with everything you’re doing, be mindful and intentional with social media. Limit time spent on it, and make sure you’re engaging with content that is worth your while. Turn the (now limited) time on social media from a distraction into an opportunity to learn something new. Unconnect with the accounts that drain you or create negative energy for you and make sure you have positive, nurturing, and encouraging energy showing up on your feed.

Queen, I would love to hear from you. How have the Self Love activities impacted your life? 

Please leave a comment below, and also let me know if you’ve thought of something else that’s made you feel the love!

As always, keep putting in the work. You got this, and I got you.

Oh, one last thing… if you want to join my 5 Day Life Transformation Experience, The Purpose Incubator 2022, where I will be working with you for 5 days for FREE to help you to identify and clarify your purpose, and boost your positivity, passion, and potential, then click HERE… It’s all going down on 30th May 2022. And if you’re reading this blog after the 30th May, keep your eyes open for the next one 😉

And of course… Fix your crown.

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