Helplessness is one of the worst feelings anyone can have. It’s draining. It’s paralysing. It’s frustrating and infuriating. It can make other situations feel significantly worse.
I know that when I’ve felt helpless in the past, I found myself starting to also feel cut off from everyone else, including those who loved me. In my mind, I couldn’t find a way to help myself and couldn’t bring myself to burden those I loved with my problems. So, I shut up and I shut down. The truth of the matter is that I cut myself off from those who loved me.
Through choosing myself, I learned to Help Myself, and ultimately bring to an end an incredibly harsh cycle. In fact, this was one of the most fundamental steps in my own personal journey to healing and building the life I wanted for myself. So, I’m dedicating this month to that very theme. I’m going to show you how you can Help Yourself.
We’ve done quite a bit of work over January and February that is key for this step. We have established your commitment to you throughout January’s Choosing Yourself, and we have established your ability to be YOU with confidence throughout February’s Affirming Yourself. By now, you know the importance of identifying unhealthy thoughts and you know how to address them. You have set sustainable goals for yourself, and you have begun asking for what you need. If you’re not ready yet or haven’t had the time to go through the material relating to Choosing Yourself and Affirming Yourself, please stop and take that time now, before you take this next step. Once you’re ready to go ahead and start Helping Yourself, come back to this email and read on!
Helping Yourself is so incredibly straightforward that I KNOW you are kicking yourself every time you don’t Help Yourself. That’s the harsh truth here, Queen. But there’s also the reality that we don’t always do what’s easy or simple, because we are complex machines with complex perceptions. Our needs are complex, our circumstances are complex. Seeing any sort of simplicity through all that complexity becomes daunting!
So Queen, let’s take this back to the basics and break the process down.
- The first step here is to let go. Literally. There’s something inside you that is telling you that you can’t or shouldn’t Help Yourself. Maybe you’re feeling unworthy of your own help or you’re punishing yourself by keeping yourself from advancing or, even worse, you’re putting yourself in negative situations. Have a long and thorough thought about why you’re not helping yourself. Take pen to paper, and set out every reason you’ve come up with. Remind yourself of your commitment to yourself, re-commit to keeping yourself your own priority, then burn, tear, or flush that piece of paper. It’s a very simple and symbolic exercise, but surprisingly cathartic. And Queen, If you are having trouble forgiving yourself, I have just the course for you.
- Make a list of the things you need that would have a meaningful impact on your situation. Be realistic and pragmatic here. What things can you bring into your life that would have a positive impact on you, but that would still be achievable? Once you’ve made your list, go back through it and separate out the items that you need someone else’s help with, and those that you can do for yourself.
- Get help. Yes. Go ask someone else for help. I hear you asking “but Joanne, that’s not me helping myself!” Oh Queen, but it is. And I’m telling you to ask for help before you take the next steps. You see, asking someone else for help breaks down this fear barrier we have that seeking help will somehow bring a detrimental effect. You need to practice asking for help, and then dealing with the response you get in a healthy way. This is your opportunity to acknowledge that you actually have more kindness and support than you thought, but also to acknowledge that other people’s reactions to your requests are not a reflection on you.
- Help Yourself. Pick the simplest item on the list, set a time to do it, and just go do it. Once you’re done, keep setting yourself times for other items and crossing them off your list. By constantly showing up for yourself in this way, not only do you ultimately and in the most literal way Help Yourself, you also establish a positive pattern of healthy self-reliance.
- Celebrate Queen! Every time you’ve asked for help, every time you’ve tried to help yourself, and/or every item you’ve check off your list is a victory. And we celebrate our victories because we deserve to!
So Queen, go on out and get to practicing.
Remember, sustainable change is only achieved once you’ve been able to make the changes into habits, or reflexes. We’re building those habits together.
I want to hear from you. What have you asked for help with, and what was the reaction of the person who you asked help from? And most importantly, how did their reaction make you feel?
Queen, remember I’m here for you, and while The Confidence Queens Academy is a great option if you are looking for structured courses and regular coaching that you can take at your own pace, you may feel you are ready to focus on yourself on a deeper level and require 1:1 coaching. If that is where you are, don’t hesitate to book your Free Clarity Call with me. I will help you to identify which programme you will need to line you up for the transformation you are looking for 😉
Until then, fix your crown.