The Confidence Queens Academy

This Is How You Fix Your Crown!

JJ, your Confidence and Mindset Coach here.

Are you ready for some insights? Well, I guess, that's why you're here right?! 

Queen,

We’re working on Self -Acceptance and kicked the month off with a first blog and a few trainings to help you get there. 

If you’ve read last week’s blog, you’ll have seen that I refer to Self Acceptance as a journey. I personally don’t believe that you can one day wake up with Self Acceptance – and I say that but please do prove me wrong, by all means! If you’re able to suddenly wake up with Self Acceptance, I need your secret. 

But in my experience, from what I’ve learned, and from others I’ve spoken to and coached, it’s a journey around our memories, our history, the past, and the present, around our emotions, our triggers, and the voices that follow us around. That journey is meant to familiarise us with ourselves, as separate entities – separate from our experiences, the mistakes that we have made, the things people have said about us, and how we’ve been treated. It’s meant to familiarise ourselves in our “fullness” – the bundle of strengths and weaknesses, quirks, and uniquenesses that make us the individuals that we are. Once we have grasped who we are, we can embrace those things we find more difficult to accept about ourselves. 

One of the obstacles to embracing ourselves in our “fullness”, is that the things we reject about ourselves are often things that we refuse to confront head-on. We shy away from the emotions that they bring on. Queen, I’m here to tell you that shying away from emotions isn’t dealing with them. You know this, and I know you know this. And you also know I’m here to give you that tough love that you need to begin that momentum, because tough love is still, LOVE. So we’re going to get on it now. 

Last week, I asked you to write down your weaknesses (real or perceived) and then your strengths. These two lists contain the traits that you have set down about yourself, those that you probably feel you can be proud of, and those that you might be a little less boastful of – or maybe even ashamed of (and, Queen, be honest with yourself on these lists, there’s no reason not to since you’re the only one reading them 😆). 

This week, I want you to pull out the list of weaknesses, pick one, and discuss that weakness with yourself. Pretend that you are having this discussion between two people: the you that has this weakness, and the you that is a good and supportive friend. Have an open and honest dialogue with yourself about the weakness. Consider how it manifests in your life, how it has hurt you or others, how it affects you or others, and the impacts of the weaknesses. Let the negativity about each weakness come out, and go ahead and feel it. Acknowledging those emotions is essential to being able to deal with them. 

Once you feel you’ve let it all out, or as much as you can get out, then in the voice of the good and supportive friend, offer yourself some words of self-compassion and empathy, followed by some good old-fashioned encouragement and guidance. While you’re doing this, really challenge yourself as to what you would say to someone you loved if they came to you and said “I absolutely hate x and y about myself”. Take a step back from that negativity that you’ve let out, and ask yourself, is the negativity really necessary? Will it change the situation? Is it helpful to me to hold onto it? Can I find a solution to address this weakness now? If yes, what is that solution? If not, can I just make peace with the fact that it’s a thing, and that I don’t need to let it be a source of pain?

Have that open and honest conversation with yourself. Set aside a chunk of time in your day – it may not need to be more than 5-10 minutes, but if you have more time and want to dedicate more time then go for it – to have that conversation with yourself. You might need to have the conversation more than once, and if so, go ahead and set another chunk of time on a different day to have it again. By feeling, then rationalising, then releasing, you take a lot of the negative power of these weaknesses away. 

If you’re happy with the outcome of your discussion, or if you’re not making any headway (it happens, and that’s ok too), move on to another item on the list. My usual promise to you stands, Queen. Put in the work, and you’ll see it pay off. 

If you’re stuck on the messaging to yourself, on how to deal with the negative emotions, or if you want to dig deeper into the Self Acceptance exercises, I got you. I’ve hosted a new MasterClass in my FREE Facebook group Creating Life Balance, the MasterClass is called the 5 Mindset Shifting Tips To Help With Self-Acceptance. The MasterClass is totally FREE because you know what? You are fabulous. Need there be another reason? 😉  You’ll find this MasterClass helpful if you’re stuck on events in the past if you’re not able to give yourself the compassion that you deserve, if you’re unable to forgive yourself for past mistakes or even deliberate acts, or if you want to know more about Self-Acceptance.   

Let’s do this Queen. I’m very keen for you to embrace yourself as the Queen you are.

This is how you fix your crown.

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