Self-Confidence matters. It really does.
It opens doors, it gives rise to new opportunities, it attracts people. Invariably, those chosen for promotions, spectacular positions, that boast success in some area or another of their life, that seem to just attract the best that life has to offer, will display what we think of as confidence. Well, there are some outliers out there, but they’re the exception that confirms the rule, aren’t they?
And it’s a quality that seems incredibly out of reach. It feels rare, like it’s bestowed upon the few who were born to shine bright, stand tall, and speak without hesitation. “That’s not me” is the thought that’s running through your head right now. I’m not born to shine, I’d rather stand behind someone else, I’ll speak only if I really have to but I’d genuinely just prefer to listen.
Yeah, that voice of self-doubt, it’s all too familiar. But listen to me and hear me well when I say this. Self-Confidence isn’t something that some people just “have”. It’s not even a thing. I know, I know, you’re thinking “But JJ, your business is called the Confidence Queen’s Academy and now you’re telling me it’s not a thing?!?” Just bear with me on this, please, and it’ll all come together I promise!
To exist, self-confidence requires a combination of a lot of different internal elements to work together to externally reflect an otherwise indescribable state that we think of as “confidence”. We need faith in our ability to come through for ourselves, to ask for help when we need to, to equip ourselves with the tools we need to make things work for us, a firm understanding of our core values, a realistic view on the impact of other people’s opinions of us (hint hint, that impact is zero), unconditional self-love (and I do mean unconditional, I’ll get into this in future blogs but I want this word unconditional blazed in your mind), a compassionate attitude towards our own needs, a willingness to understand others without that understanding interfering in our own moods and behaviours…
The list is long, so I’ll stop here. But do you see the common thread? Confidence is a state that we enter when our attitude towards ourselves is supportive, nurturing, and empathetic, and that state is reflected in how we behave, act, and react. You don’t “get” confidence. You embrace the characteristics of self-confidence, when your mindset is where it needs to be and you take action.
We think we have an idea of confidence from movies, from people we have been told exhibit confidence, from this instinctive feeling that someone is just generally able to navigate the world with ease and zero fear. But we don’t genuinely understand the true inner state that is required for this feeling of confidence. At most, we tend to think of it as the pure absence of self-doubt. And that, Queen, is a truly impossible state to achieve, and if you remain attached to the idea that you need to remove self-doubt to become confident, then it’s no wonder that you feel like it will be impossible for you to achieve confidence.
Because you would be right!
You can have extended periods without doubting yourself, but invariably, we all feel self-doubt at some point or other, unless we are living a very small and repetitive life without challenge or adventure. Successful or not, rich or not, nobody is immune from self-doubt. Self-doubt is a natural human reflex, it gets us to reassess ourselves in light of the new situations we face, and adapt to those new situations by changing our behaviour, our mental state, or by acquiring new skills that we need to face those new situations. Self-doubt is not the problem.
The problem is how we behave when we experience self-doubt. The way we give up on ourselves because we allow that doubt to linger for so long, it begins to take root in our minds and drive our behaviours, causing us to believe our pursuits are not worthy, and losing out on our desires, goals, dreams, happiness, and fulfilment. The important thing to remember here, and you might not know this so brace yourselves, but the way you behave and the length of time you allow doubt to linger in your minds is habitual. Yep, self-doubt rear’s its head for a second and we invite it in for tea and create an habitual self-sabotaging behaviour. Oooofff… did that land a little hard… my bad!
But listen, you’re here because you want to get to a place of self-confidence, and I’m sat here writing this because I want to help you do just that. So let’s start at the beginning.
The journey to self-confidence starts with a decision that you need to make for yourself. And that decision is to be your own ally, to have your back, and to prioritise your needs. I’m assuming you’re a grown up right? So, if it isn’t your responsibility to 100% be there for yourself, then whose is it? You need to decide to be your own cheerleader, to take care of yourself like you would a loved one, or the way you would want a loved one to treat you. You need to make the decision to Choose You.
And that means deciding to make time and space for yourself, to take care of your emotional needs, to learn to love you and everything that you are wholly and unconditionally, to foster a healthy internal voice that supports you no matter the mistakes and trials, the wins and losses, the highs and the lows. It means deciding to put your wellbeing at the forefront, because you know that ultimately, that decision will make you the best version of yourself.
If you do not make that decision for yourself, Queen, then believe me on this. From experience, from my own personal journey, my trainings, from experiences others have shared with me, from what I know to be true working with my clients… I can wholeheartedly tell you that you will not be able to reliably experience the true deep rooted, lasting self-confidence you want to feel when it truly matters. You will continue to hold yourself back and sabotage yourself. And I know you’re here because you want to change that.
I’ve explained to you briefly how you can achieve the state of self-confidence. Now, it’s up to you. Are you ready to make that decision to Choose You? If you are, then take a moment to mark the occasion. Get a pen and paper, find a quiet space, and write down a meaningful commitment to yourself that you will start your journey to building that inner state that will get you to feeling that confidence.
I’ll be following up on this post with the next steps, so come back next week, and let’s make this happen.
And Queen… If you’re ready to make a higher commitment to yourself and kick things into gear, the doors of the Confidence Queens Academy are now open for a limited time only. Click here, tell me about yourself, and let’s get started on making that transformation happen today!
All right, with all that being said…
Fix your crown.