Queen,
This is week four of Unleash yourself, the exciting chapter where you get to turn the work you’ve done into wins for yourself. It’s quite a remarkable journey, and one I’m sure you can’t help but glow with pride over. And glow you should! It’s been a bumpy journey getting here, I know it has, and you sure do deserve to be proud of everything you’ve achieved so far!
There’s a whole wide horizon out there waiting for you. The possibilities are endless, and the only limit to what you can achieve is your own imagination. You know how to put in the work, you know how to design your life, you know how to catch yourself if you falter. You’ve got it all, now you’re ready to Unleash Yourself and take over the world!
Wait… did you feel that? This little “eeek, the world?” A little nervous feeling like…
JJ, yeah, I’ve gotten this far, but let’s not get carried away here. The entire WORLD? I’m not ready for that! I’m just barely settling into the new me, let’s relax a little first, enjoy the view from here.
Aaaah, the doubt. It seems to creep back in, doesn’t it? That little voice that says we’ve accomplished this much, but let’s not get too hasty and tempt fate. I get it. It feels like your track record just doesn’t support the theory that you’ll always win. In fact, it might show the opposite story. As soon as you start to feel like you’re winning, as soon as things are going swell, as soon as you’re flying high… That’s when there’s a massive crash. Why would this time be any different?
Last week, we talked about giving yourself permission to cut old ties, and build new friendships. This week, I want to talk to you about doubting the new you, and cutting ties with the old you.
Look, the reality is that the new you is so… well, new. The old you has been around for so long, so there are going to be old memories of the old you hanging around everywhere. Maybe in the mirror, when you wake up. Or in some lingering reactions you have to a new, but strangely all-too-familiar, situation. Perhaps an old face that suddenly pops back up unexpectedly. An old reflex you thought you were rid of, but just seem to have gone back to for some reason. It could be doubt when you hear someone say that you’re ready to take on the world. You see where I’m going with this?
When going back to the old happens, it kind of feels like we’re “relapsing”, and we beat ourselves up over the “relapse”. I knew better, I AM better, so why am I feeling this way? Why am I having these thoughts, I did the work and I was so sure I was rid of them!
And the doubt… I’m the new, strong, confident me. The new me doesn’t have any doubts!
Queen, know that it’s a part of the process. There is going to be a shadow of the old you that crops up. It’s normal. Like I said, the old you has been around for so long, and probably a lot longer than the new you. There are old reflexes that… well, they linger. Some old thought patterns here and there that you haven’t yet addressed because they simply didn’t come up, or maybe you didn’t fully address the first time. There could be some left-over instincts as well. It took years to build the old you, it’ll take some time to get the new you firmly established.
But… some of the old you cropping up does NOT mean that you’re relapsing into the old you. It’s not cause to put all your progress in doubt, or jump to the conclusion that you’re not as far as you thought you were. That is absolutely, fully, and wholeheartedly not the case. The new you is new, getting established, and growing. The new you needs the space to do that, and needs your support in getting there.
Just like you need to settle into your life being the new you, you need to settle in with yourself as the new you. What does that mean? It means understanding the shadow of the old you, and giving yourself the time to adjust to fully being the new you.
Acknowledge the shadow of the old you. Make peace with the fact that there WILL be moments where you feel like the old you is coming through. It will happen, but over time, will gradually decrease. As I said, the old you took a while to build, so it’s normal that it’ll take time to replace. That’s ok, and just acknowledging the shadow of the old you gives you something that you can work with to continue growing as you Unleash Yourself.
Place the thoughts. When you have instincts, reflexes, or thoughts that you find yourself uncomfortable with, place them. Let’s say for example you have a sudden feeling that you’re unsafe when there’s really no reason that you can rationally think of to feel unsafe. Is the feeling something that the new you has, or are they lingering feelings from the old you? More likely than not, you’ll find that these feelings (or instincts or reflexes) are just not appropriate for how you feel now and don’t align with the progress you’ve made so far. They’re from the shadow of the old you, reminding you of a past where you did feel unsafe. Place the thoughts where they belong. Should they be with the old you? Put them there, and recognise that they have no place with the new you.
Understand the thoughts. You’ve placed them with the old you, but that doesn’t mean that you ignore them. Mull the thoughts that the old you brought up over, and deconstruct them. Why did they crop up now? What are they trying to tell you about your past? Are they relevant to your present? Do they serve you here and now? What does the new you think about those thoughts? Take time to really bring home the fact that these thoughts will crop up in similar situations, and that you already have the tools you need to deal with them.
Lay the thoughts to rest. Once you’ve taken the time to understand your thoughts, it’s time to let them go. You know that they don’t belong with the new you, and that they don’t belong in this time period. They’re shadows of the old you, and those will disappear eventually. Until you do, you will give yourself the time and grace to acknowledge your past and hurts, replace the thoughts where they belong, understand them, and give them the peace they deserve. Those thoughts served you at one point in your life, but they have accomplished their purpose long ago. You don’t need them anymore. Wish them well, thank your old you for having gotten you to where you are, and give yourself permission to just… let go.
The process of cutting ties with the old you, is gradual. Shadows of the old you may linger for some time, but it’s up to you to keep addressing them whenever you spot them (or feel them). Remain mindful with your thoughts, and intentional with your actions. The new, Unleashed You is the you that has the tools to deal with everything, inside and out. You could find that you still have some negative thought loops that you haven’t quite gotten rid of, or maybe even noticed before. Go back to the Negative Thought Loops training, and kick them to the curb! You may also be holding on to things that you just haven’t forgiven yourself for. Forgiveness is essential to moving forward as the new you, so put in the work and put into practice these 7 Steps to the Path of Self-Forgiveness.
Trust yourself, trust the process, and put in the work as you continue experiencing the world with your brand new, sparkling enthusiasm. Or in George Michael’s words… You gotta have faith fa-faith fa-faith!
And Queen… congratulate yourself on getting here. It’s an amazing place to get to, and you deserve all the applause for what you’ve achieved. You’ve got an incredible foundation, and the only way from here is up!
So… Fix your crown!Tips to
