I’m starting with this theme because it’s the foundation of the rest of the work we’re doing.
See, I know a lot of you, (like me and many others), have grown up with the idea that you need to put someone else first – be it family, parents, children, a spouse, your boss, whatever. The reality is that when you do this, you don’t leave time for yourself. You put yourself on the back burner, while time and opportunities slip by. You know what else happens when you put everyone else before yourself? You end up being disappointed, taken for granted and you are training other people to also put you last on their list. You see, people get their cues on how to treat you, by how you treat yourself. So, when they see you treat yourself like you matter, they will begin to do the same.
I get a lot of pushback from mothers and if you are a mother who is finding this hard to swallow, I want you to see it this way. Choosing yourself doesn’t mean you love your children any less. It doesn’t mean you don’t treat them how you usually would, but what it means is you prioritise giving yourself the things you need, so you can show up with more energy to give them what they need. It means, when you have an opportunity to treat yourself, you do so. Why? Well, when your children, especially your girls, see you as their mom, treating yourself as if you matter, investing in yourself, and showing up as your best, what do you imagine they will do as they grow up? Children mimic their parents, you know this. If they always see you putting yourself last, they will see this as the ‘norm’ and grow up putting themselves last… like mommy did. And you cannot tell them to do as you say and not as you do, because it breeds hypocrisy and also guilt, and you know that too.
So, here’s the thing. When you put yourself first, you have the energy, capacity and desire to do for others. But if you are depleted and left with scraps, well…. You do the math!
With that being said, I want you to do three things. I want you to go ahead and feel proud of yourself, and then set yourself some intentions that you want to work on. Don’t worry too much about these, they will evolve as you go. Then, I want you to commit.
- Make yourself a list of things that you’ve done in your life that you’re particularly proud of, and the ways you’ve made yourself proud, and start to create a ‘Drop The Mic List’. Put down everything you can think of, everything that comes to mind, no matter how silly or small it might seem. Take the time to pat yourself on the back to celebrate those accomplishments. Set a night or day this month, and do something special to thank yourself for all those things. After all, you deserve to celebrate!
- Now, make a list of intentions for this programme, and the things that you want to say “yes” to during this time. For example, my intentions last year were to increase my impact and visibility, to continue to step outside of my comfort zone, and to be open to new things that could lead me closer to my goals. To do that I decided to say ‘yes’ to any speaking engagements that I received, big or small, in-person or virtual. I decided to say ‘yes’ to opportunities that would allow me to be a positive contribution. Finally, I decided to say ‘yes’ to creating an accessible and affordable option for people to receive support who may not be able to commit to personal coaching (1:1 Coaching). So, now I’ve shared this with you, I’m hoping you will try setting your own intentions and find ways to say ‘yes’ to widen your experience of life. When you have figured it out, drop it into the specified DISCORD channel.
- Once you have done that, take a deep breath, and COMMIT. Make a verbal commitment to yourself and write it down and place it somewhere where you will see it every day. Commit to yourself, commit to growth, commit to change, and commit to happiness. Commit to all those things that you have been too afraid to ask for yourself, or that you have convinced yourself you do not deserve. This is where you make your commitment, add your name and date and upload a copy to me via the Dashboard. If you need the reminder, I will have it for you! And remember, the community and I, are here to support you every step of the way.
Now, there are so many things available for you in the Confidence Queens Academy, so I encourage you to take full advantage of what’s on offer. Check out the Growth BookClub, which meets once a week to discuss and review personal development books on a variety of topics such as personal growth, career confidence, healthy relationships, and more.
One last thing, setting your intentions for this programme doesn’t replace setting goals for the things you wish to work on or achieve. One of the programmes I deliver is aimed toward supporting you to set the types of goals that will redesign your life. The type of goals that will cause you to create healthy boundaries while developing your self-confidence. And, the special thing about it is the supported accountability follow-up that you get from the programme.
If you are ever at a place where you would benefit from changing and enhancing your life, in order to enjoy more wholehearted living, exercise 20 seconds of courage and book a Free Clarity Call with me and let’s talk about what your life could look like with more courage, more confidence, and more clarity.
Fix Your Crown