We’re stepping into a new chapter of the Action module of my 4-Step Value System. It’s an exciting chapter, it’s challenging, and best of all, it gets you to connect with yourself on another level.
I’m talking about Mastering Yourself.
This module is about taking what you know about yourself, the tools you’ve developed along this journey, and the understanding of what you want, and RUNNING WITH IT, through the thick and thin, through the challenges, through the difficulties and into growth. It’s about getting familiar with you on the deepest of levels, of redesigning your life knowing exactly who you are and what you’re capable of. It’s about being in tune with you, and being able to respond to the signals you’re sending to yourself.
Self-mastery means truly understanding who you are, being able to set goals and targets, and respond to YOUR own needs, wants and desires in the most appropriate, supportive manner. It means acting and reacting in ways that YOU want to act and react in. It means that YOU dictate the outcome of anything and everything that you have control over.
As I like to say, it requires you to BE the CEO of your life.
During this month, you’re going to get to understand how your mind works, and how you react to the events that are happening around you today. Understanding your mindset is incredibly important to your personal and professional development. You may have to make some changes in order to place yourself in the best possible position.
You see… Your thoughts control your emotions. Your emotions in turn direct your behaviour. Your behaviour determines your results. The results then feed back into your thoughts, which control your emotions… you see where I’m going with this … yes, it’s mind-blowing stuff!
Now, listen to this carefully. This month and this work is going to be about things that are within YOUR control. A lot of what happens in life is not within your control. You cannot control the actions of others, their thoughts and feelings, their beliefs, their motivations. What you can control is YOU. Hence… Mastering Yourself.
It’s important for you to start creating habits that are intentional and relevant to your goals, that will address and support your thoughts, and more specifically the frame of mind that you have so you can take full responsibility of your emotions and feelings. This is vital. So let’s start there!
Here are a few things I recommend that you do, to ensure that you’re on your way to creating the right frame of mind, and therefore the right thoughts, to put you in a place of Mastering Yourself!
Practice acceptance. Part of the Self-Acceptance module that you did previously was
accepting who you are and processing the past that made you who you are today. But, there’s something else left to accept… And that’s the now.
You don’t need to accept your current situation as one you’ll carry with you into the future, no change required. Accepting the now is NOT settling for what you’ve already got. It’s about letting go of the anger and judgment about the now.
The now might be a challenging place. You might still be carrying pain, a sense that things aren’t complete… things could still be better. And such is life… the lows define the highs, right? Acknowledge the situation for what it is, and let go of any judgment, anger, or resentment you may have. Things are just what they are, pretty imperfect, significantly more of a work in progress than you would like. But recognise that where you are now is not your final destination. It’s not the end game, you’re still on a journey. But even on this place in your journey, your challenging times have caused you to learn important lessons. Once you gain acceptance of this fact, you gain clarity on what needs to change for the now to become the future that you want. You can get to a place where you understand your circumstances, instead of judging them, and with a clear mind and heart examining the possibilities that you have before you, given what you currently have and what you now know.
Get committed. Your now is not your future. You know that, and that’s why you’re here. You’re busy creating your future for yourself. Commit to that future. Commit to always trying to find a way to see opportunities or lessons in anything and everything that is happening around or to you. Commit to the venture or business you’re undertaking, the Purpose that you’ve clarified for yourself, and to your Values. Commit to always striving to make things better than, instead of seeing things as less than. Don’t allow your gaze to get stuck on ‘lack’.
Get disciplined. There’s no way around this, discipline is key to Mastering Yourself. Find a workable solution for you, where you plan out your working and down time, where you set down the time for your morning routine, and stick to the schedule you set for yourself. Letting things slip a bit here and there is completely fine, it’s one of the perks of adulthood and especially if you’re self-employed, sometimes one of the balls you are juggling will fall and roll down the hill. But that’s not a reason to do things randomly and sporadically. Discipline doesn’t mean you have to wake up at 6am and be in bed by 10pm, obviously. You can absolutely have a schedule where you’re working nights if that’s your best time, or you work at different times of the day depending on the day of the week. Make a schedule that works for you. Start by making small changes, and then, stick to it.
Challenge yourself. Pick something you know will be difficult for you, something that brings out a weakness you have. For example, if you usually have a short attention span, engage in an activity that you know requires your attention for sustained periods of time. If you find physical activity challenging, try yoga if you lack flexibility or a dance class if you’re uncoordinated. The point isn’t necessarily to get good at something you’re bad at. The point is to take up a challenge that you KNOW will be difficult from the get-go, and to give yourself the time, patience, and understanding to get better.
I know this one sounds a bit strange, but hear me out here. It’s during the most challenging times that negative thoughts tend to crop up. The more obviously challenging something is (trying the splits if you’ve never done them before, for example), the more the flagrantly toxic thoughts come out. You’ll find yourself screaming I CAN’T DO THIS WHY AM I EVEN TRYING! That’s the voice you want to bring out, and to address. Give yourself a controlled environment where you can practice talking back to that voice, questioning its validity (well yes… I know that I can’t do it, right now. But, if I practice, I’ll get better at it. I have no reason to give up, I barely even started!), and giving yourself the positive encouragement you need (I’m going to keep going, I’ve never tried this, and it’s awesome that I’m giving it a try! Let me see how far I can go! I can’t wait to see my progress!).
Do you realise how much power there is when you allow yourself to be a novice at something and develop skills and experience with time? Remind yourself, it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert, the only person expecting you to get everything right immediately is you. Give yourself some grace!
Observe your attitude and your thoughts regarding the difficulty in a setting in which you have full control. Look out for the emotions and thoughts that crop up during the course of the activity or work, observe them, then work out what you need to keep you motivated to continue.
A number of Queens in The CQ Academy are undertaking The Purpose Accelerator Business Mentoring Programme right now and embarking on a new journey to create a new revenue stream to become partially or totally self-employed. Be their own boss, set their own schedules. Mastering Yourself is particularly important for this, because as an entrepreneur or being self-employed, it is up to you to ensure the viability of your business and your revenue stream. You are responsible for your earning potential!
Taking these steps today will help you to start building up a positive and supportive narrative to help you counter the effects of difficulty when that chatterbox is telling you to quit.
But, if you find yourself struggling with those negative thought loops, you know what to do! The Negative Thought Loops training is here, so get on it ASAP
Fix your crown.